Requiem of dead love

” Far away in those lands of lights and brilliance, where darkness exist only in shadows.”

1: In her room
When I look into you, there’s a need which is only because you want to be far away from your loneliness. It’s me now, and then him, it’s just like another day, another night, another moment. Who cares for love, as love is not to kill oneself, love is far away from our reality. I haven’t seen and heard a sense of love, as I doubt it exist. There can only be need, an obsession, an obstinate will.
He looked into the mirror, glance countenance and thought of love which he never experienced.
He also noticed the unfamiliar sound of his head. He exclaimed, I don’t believe in love, and rushed out of the room.
She lies in blood over the floor, with short breathes and thumping heart. Her eyes wet, as he couldn’t see the love of her, even though she slit her wrist.
Somewhat he was right, as it can’t be love. Love can’t be proved. It’s just like an air, you need it to live.
She saw him entering back with some cotton balls and bandaids. He cleaned her, and put the ointment, wrapped her and took her over bed. Irritatingly he asked her to close eyes and sleep, this is enough for today, don’t make things more hazardous for us. Stroked her hair into sleep. She was calm inspite of the scene, as he was there close to her, caring for her, unregarded of the condition of him and the type of difficulty she put him into.
She went to sleep, and he sat along her with feeling of disgust and cheated. His mind rovers all night long, and with feeling of disdain he too fall asleep.
2: Few weeks later
He was confused with himself, as obsession of her somewhat charmed him, and let him feel the goal of someone’s life. He unwanted come across the memories related to her. It was time to redeem so he journeyed for her last wish.
I guess, will be going to meet her parents and tell them the truth. They deserve to know it. I thought much of it and this is the only way I could come out of it. I can’t live like this anymore.
3: On the way
He prepared his mind and thoughts, as bewildered of how he will be going to present the truth. It’s hard and consequences of it, would vanish his identity. Many times he thought of return back but the push of coming over it tend to keep him moving. He took off the cab, and asked few the address he had scribbled on the paper year back.
Do you know where is this resident? And after some attempts he stood in front of the house of her. He could smell the fear of self, as he trembled while entering the gate of the house.

4: In her house
He managed to introduce himself to her father, and meanwhile her mother comes with a tea for him. It’s not required, please!
They sat quietly in the hall with the moment of awkwardness. Her father told, she told about you, you are a nice guy. He hesitantly shook his head. Her mother was quite and uninterested in any of talk. How long you knew her? Her father continued.
H: Ummm, 3 years.
F: Did she told you anything about it.
H: No
F: You told you came to say something. What is it?
H: I am sorry.
F: Sorry for what.
H: I am the reason behind all of it.
F: Don’t feel like that. We too feel the same sometime, as we couldn’t understand her.
H: No, I mean…
His eyes filled with tears, heart pounded heavily, clutching his fist in nervousness he said.
I was there that night.
He gasped, sighed, and continued.
We had an argument. I never loved her, nor wanted to marry her. It’s was her obsession, I never said, I never felt but now I feel it. I want her badly, I am sorry for all of it. I don’t know what to do now, please forgive me, I am the reason.
He continued, she cut herself and I felt it’s again a drama. I was angry on her and rushed out of the room. I wish would have returned back, fix up the things. Could stayed there for the night, healed her, could stroked her to sleep. I am sorry. I am the criminal, please do whatever you want to do with me, I can’t live by this guilt, I’ll die too, I am sorry.
And the silence occupied the room with all of them into no state of correctness.
Her mother whispered, God bless her soul!
The end!

Dream sequence~

Ego wants to know the unknown.

1. In his room
Television is on with the voices of directions to do here now. Some hypnotically voice. The person is lying on the bed and listening it unconsciously. He tried to wake up to follow that voice but the slumber was too heavy on him that he couldn't come out of his sleep and fall to the ground in attempt to be on his feet. This broke his sleep and still found himself on the bed. The head was heavy and he was bewildered with what just happened as it seems to be more real then reality itself.

2. In the office
In a meeting around a round table.
He is watching himself against the conversation and the discussions. Sitting in midst of them, he was profoundly into himself as all other happenstance going in some background.
Suddenly his superior in office asked him,
" So, How will we compensate our partners and staffs?
Coming out of himself, he stared into other eyes for moments.
S: Hey, I am asking to you!
B: The interest of loss has fallen out of the economy, and I don't think is any other way to prevent this model from collapsing.

3. On road with rush
He is walking back to his place, with all the rush and noise of the city. But he couldn't feel and hear it, and walking by itself, as drugged on something. Silently he reached his home. He went to his room and sat silently with himself. He had his food and went to bed.

4. In his room
He could see the bright light coming from the window. It makes different patterns over the roof. And he slept watching it and next morning he went to office, worked, came back home. And this went on. He earned well, did good for himself, got married, raised his children well. Been a loveable husband, father and the person.

5. In his room
He is now very much old and with serene and content life, lying on his death bed. He had accomplished most of it and had satisfied life. And as he died, with its shock he come out of his dream. And found self sweating on the bed, with the bright light making patterns on the roof and the ticking of clock.

Swinging walls of thoughtless mountains

    Swinging walls

of thoughtless mountains

Meeting ends of points

September

Fall 2015

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Instance of arrival of life with the rising Sun, as melts all its memories of past and future, for being young and anew as formless form”.

Loped down with wind to be in time for time. And as crossed valleys of inhabitants of different lives and ways, forgetting myself and identity with time in time, but with sporadic incoming habits of recognition and attention.

Where we being to? Nowhere! Roaming around within self with physically to different places.

Thoughts of happenstance to be what we want to be.

An old jalopy rolled through into the mountainous ranges, with crescent of waning moon. As mind rushed from hither to thither, with notions of life and present moments of observations. A deep seeing of walls next to jalopy’s window, running streams collapsing into river, twinkling lights of untouched villages, and the peaks that couldn’t be seen without raising one’s head.

“Assumptions of situations beholding as many perceptions as many minds and thoughts.”

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The moment that remained silent and motionless, and the brightest star of the sky glimmering over the sleeping lady peak, as strolled around with thirst to unravel limitations of self prejudice.

A journey to unknown with the significance of self established notions of destination and the eventuality of incidents which could only be imagined once in a while. An experience of experienced thoughts induced the feelings of better sensitivity of mountains and its proximity. As river rolls and the winds of evening begun with its intensity, which fondle the soul with new and fresh thoughts of unexplored ways of life.

The walls of dark emotions stood behind as past moments of eve away from  well-known surroundings. The talks of different worlds, of relations which suspended through air momentary, but totally, as the moment drifts, it just flew with blow and the essence sustains.

“No mind can save itself from occurrence of uncertainty .”

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As the morning bells rung with the voices of this and that, an attempt to make what already told to oneself triggers the parts of selfs to accomplish the thoughts of moments. In-spite of contradictions within, vying to present what they think of us. As trudged over in rain of morning, with all the dignity and charisma, with familiar vibes of unknown, and raced within oneself to be in top of all failures and defects, which mostly overruled by thoughts of best and fine.

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The serenity was real and true, but what if heart eclipsed over with fear and insecurity, and laughter are coerced to hide true identity. Attraction of body and trust to be won of others are the games usually played, but as you dip in the extremity of existence, there’s no shadow of past and masquerade.

“Dead on arrival, Right where I stand”. 

Few epitome for magical elegance of nature, and the misdeeds of humans as see through eyes of apprehension. It reminds its magnanimity with each stroke of unused moment, But hard to believe and to observe until it bawls, beyond nothing could be demanded.

Announced lordship of unfathomable temporary time, easily depleted with just missed sigh of breathe. Looking mistakenly for it into the sky, when it just slipping out just from beneath you.

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In heavens of earth when crossed over valleys and mountains, florets emblazon around just as nature’s unbiased desires, floating over airs of misty mountains, since silence of centuries holds beauty inside.”

Still In Labyrinth

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“Everything is not the same but kind of similar. Running thoughts out of these tiny boxes, which is meaningless to others, and for myself too. Importance of being, a continuous chatter of self with other self developed categories, and an outward reality which seems to be contradictory, as its paradoxical, pushes to undefined steps.

Nothing was decided and known at that moment, but may be its in trend, and becoming the lifestyle of few and none. The sound of the word destination, and the peculiar belief for the place alloyed the journey. Sun was down below the sea, and the wind was still, when made our way for an old and new exploration.  Few transactions took us to the very place, of gypsies and bohemians, where mix cultured tourists, still rove around for relaxant, excitant, psychoactive substances, spiritual conquest, unworldly experiences, or for just.

Despite, Kasol has its own significance. A valley, where earth and sky seems to be closer, a ferocious Parvati river gushing to reach afore Ganges. An outpouring sun fosterth the creation, as advanced to Barsheni & trekked forth to Kheerganga, before nature’s light dimmed. She was carrying the bible (impressed in Hebrew), as remarked. Since ages those peaks sedes (seat) over unbound dimensions of existence. Each passing moment along with boundless existence gave possibilities of life’s lived.

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“An echoes of our own thoughts sprawled limitlessly around”. An overnight, at Kheerganga, of immense thunder & heavy rain, as if huge apex itself pelted down aggressively, and the next morn was like silent & innocent child, who forgets what happened last night. As opened the curtain of eyes, clouds dispersing with swift movement & the peaks stood tall gazing into infinity. A bathe in hot natural spring, in the mystic pool of the earth, reconnects with love of mother (nature) to its child. “Mysterious is the only answer to all our questions”. Shoon were ready to tread again into the unknown,as drenched last night. And walked into the guided way to witness unreal reality of unspoken. “Holier is you, as look into, life lives there, where we come to”! “Eyes couldn’t see, what heart see”!

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An implicit presence of creator, of timeless creation, experienced through experiencer, separated by I & merged with its beingness.

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As Stared into endless precipices with icefalls emblazoned, dripping into rapids of Parvati, with its fate of oceanic one day. The path, bridges, cedar trees, prairies, blooms, gregarious, Alps, glaciers, rivulets..Ah!; “Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.”  Henry David Thoreau.

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Tunda bhuj, pure & full of innocence, every breath of it was manifesting sheer divinity. A expanse of solitary existence with its mighty crown facing into deathless sierra, with glimpse of us in every fragment of innate disposition. IMG_4387IMG_4388IMG_4390

A hermitage of silent drift of sombreness, of just you and me and the earthly desires, floating down the streams to meet up with holographic reality.

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A night of wonder, for the only truth of moment, for the only reason of mortality, from companion to disciple, from unreal to real. An explorer of fear, a lover of stories, a hater of defame, a truer of destinies, a loner of life, a master to thrive, an entertainer for visitors, an impostor for neighbours, an ascetic for peasants, a guardian for lalu, held heaven and hell into his heart.

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“ Shinning and glimmering refection of light with unknown presence of entity, looking at the strangest self of inner being which lived unnoticed and unparalleled…”!

Faith & Beliefs

“Left over things on the desk and rushed to home for packing up for the tour, took blessings and money and shambled down to near station.

Got last seat and the known personality who talked a lot, he slept on lap as suffered motion sickness, and after few hours, I talked to the another guy who might understand the attics of mind but not the basics. As darkness sprawled over city we crossed the bridge and stood with rolling thoughts aside the stream which rushed for the end.
“Another home to be called, another energy to be shared and another roof to be stared”.
Human nature is to forget things when not needed.
Rode on the air to get what required most by the need of time, and wait to be called someone who loved once in a while.
Mismatched thoughts fumed through the dark night and new morning stood for exploring other dimension of self with open arms. Held hands tighter and marched along with past identity to cross dreams of other reality.
Within the shell of respectability started the journey, & over truth and lies spoke to everyone else. An unfurled flag created the chance to intervene each other, & old familiar smiles and gestures of strangers creating new impressions of fleeting experience.
Living cities and villages left behind, & before midnight all were in the bosom of valley of death, unaware of the emotions and feelings buried yesteryear beneath ground.
“Rather than god man is above man, ego is above altruism, and mind is above heart”.
With the rising sun crossed the river of life and death, and begin trampling for the mountains of Kedar loaded with paraphernalia. The sound of gushing stream whispers the story of holocaust & desolate ruined homes whimper for their beloved ones.
“Hunger doesn’t understand differences of flavours and taste”!
Things created, invaded and then devastated; that’s what happened with the Ram BadaA hamlet of none & just the past remains over present exile by nature.
A snow covered mountain stood with dignity and played with palette of the setting sun, offering winter line over the horizon and shades of stars. The Kedar peak, only in-situ witness of catastrophe other than victims couldn’t share its empathy of melancholy. Silence of mountains dialects through air to the core of beating heart, which grew louder with elevation.

  

What this trip meant to all?

We climbed up and down over dimensions of perseverance of valley. A gathering under open sky with proletarians and an ascetic who tend to follows austerities and couldn’t perceive the light hearted ability, as easily irritated by gestures of immature entertainment. Some were desired to enjoy and some were desired to be a part of celebration. Those moments of being out of shell allows to breathe the air heavily which otherwise missed or unrecognised.

 

Who are we?

The Projections of thoughts which keeps on changing.It’s not possible to be same for all, and if it is then detachment is the only way. Attachments differentiate the feelings.


“Carrying the baggage of ambitions over the shoulders to recreate the harmony between human and nature, as nature doesn’t have any moral obligations towards humans“.
“They who experienced the isolation of mountains could better comprehend the noise of silence. The mystic valley with its mythological importance fighting for its survival & some few who concern for it rendering their strength to revive its prominence once again from scrap to substantial.”

 

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Why..!

The unwanted child grew up without any warning,
Every dream he seek lost in the dark humor of ménage,
Clouds of thoughts sunk down into the hollow sea,
Still vision reflects the edge of unfold wings;

Died in serenity & lived in chaos, closed hearts never saw the aching souls,
Inequity grows in silent rifts, fumbled upon when stood on its own feet;

One in oneness missed the whole of wholeness,
Each false truth rose over skin & bones,
Night is long as time prisoned, memories rust with fading smiles,
Respect has to be shown, otherwise you are misfit…!

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Existentialism..!

Dance in the love of universe,
Past & future meets at present,
Heart belongs to me & mind to the human;
I search about the pulse & rove around the nerves,
Stop air for the moment just to give myself a new birth,
Long I wait to live or sooner will die
Manifest the truth & unfetteredly i try;
See you now, later say good bye,
Lo, i am the every breath, know thy with each sigh.

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