Requiem of dead love

” Far away in those lands of lights and brilliance, where darkness exist only in shadows.”

1: In her room
When I look into you, there’s a need which is only because you want to be far away from your loneliness. It’s me now, and then him, it’s just like another day, another night, another moment. Who cares for love, as love is not to kill oneself, love is far away from our reality. I haven’t seen and heard a sense of love, as I doubt it exist. There can only be need, an obsession, an obstinate will.
He looked into the mirror, glance countenance and thought of love which he never experienced.
He also noticed the unfamiliar sound of his head. He exclaimed, I don’t believe in love, and rushed out of the room.
She lies in blood over the floor, with short breathes and thumping heart. Her eyes wet, as he couldn’t see the love of her, even though she slit her wrist.
Somewhat he was right, as it can’t be love. Love can’t be proved. It’s just like an air, you need it to live.
She saw him entering back with some cotton balls and bandaids. He cleaned her, and put the ointment, wrapped her and took her over bed. Irritatingly he asked her to close eyes and sleep, this is enough for today, don’t make things more hazardous for us. Stroked her hair into sleep. She was calm inspite of the scene, as he was there close to her, caring for her, unregarded of the condition of him and the type of difficulty she put him into.
She went to sleep, and he sat along her with feeling of disgust and cheated. His mind rovers all night long, and with feeling of disdain he too fall asleep.
2: Few weeks later
He was confused with himself, as obsession of her somewhat charmed him, and let him feel the goal of someone’s life. He unwanted come across the memories related to her. It was time to redeem so he journeyed for her last wish.
I guess, will be going to meet her parents and tell them the truth. They deserve to know it. I thought much of it and this is the only way I could come out of it. I can’t live like this anymore.
3: On the way
He prepared his mind and thoughts, as bewildered of how he will be going to present the truth. It’s hard and consequences of it, would vanish his identity. Many times he thought of return back but the push of coming over it tend to keep him moving. He took off the cab, and asked few the address he had scribbled on the paper year back.
Do you know where is this resident? And after some attempts he stood in front of the house of her. He could smell the fear of self, as he trembled while entering the gate of the house.

4: In her house
He managed to introduce himself to her father, and meanwhile her mother comes with a tea for him. It’s not required, please!
They sat quietly in the hall with the moment of awkwardness. Her father told, she told about you, you are a nice guy. He hesitantly shook his head. Her mother was quite and uninterested in any of talk. How long you knew her? Her father continued.
H: Ummm, 3 years.
F: Did she told you anything about it.
H: No
F: You told you came to say something. What is it?
H: I am sorry.
F: Sorry for what.
H: I am the reason behind all of it.
F: Don’t feel like that. We too feel the same sometime, as we couldn’t understand her.
H: No, I mean…
His eyes filled with tears, heart pounded heavily, clutching his fist in nervousness he said.
I was there that night.
He gasped, sighed, and continued.
We had an argument. I never loved her, nor wanted to marry her. It’s was her obsession, I never said, I never felt but now I feel it. I want her badly, I am sorry for all of it. I don’t know what to do now, please forgive me, I am the reason.
He continued, she cut herself and I felt it’s again a drama. I was angry on her and rushed out of the room. I wish would have returned back, fix up the things. Could stayed there for the night, healed her, could stroked her to sleep. I am sorry. I am the criminal, please do whatever you want to do with me, I can’t live by this guilt, I’ll die too, I am sorry.
And the silence occupied the room with all of them into no state of correctness.
Her mother whispered, God bless her soul!
The end!

Dream sequence~

Ego wants to know the unknown.

1. In his room
Television is on with the voices of directions to do here now. Some hypnotically voice. The person is lying on the bed and listening it unconsciously. He tried to wake up to follow that voice but the slumber was too heavy on him that he couldn't come out of his sleep and fall to the ground in attempt to be on his feet. This broke his sleep and still found himself on the bed. The head was heavy and he was bewildered with what just happened as it seems to be more real then reality itself.

2. In the office
In a meeting around a round table.
He is watching himself against the conversation and the discussions. Sitting in midst of them, he was profoundly into himself as all other happenstance going in some background.
Suddenly his superior in office asked him,
" So, How will we compensate our partners and staffs?
Coming out of himself, he stared into other eyes for moments.
S: Hey, I am asking to you!
B: The interest of loss has fallen out of the economy, and I don't think is any other way to prevent this model from collapsing.

3. On road with rush
He is walking back to his place, with all the rush and noise of the city. But he couldn't feel and hear it, and walking by itself, as drugged on something. Silently he reached his home. He went to his room and sat silently with himself. He had his food and went to bed.

4. In his room
He could see the bright light coming from the window. It makes different patterns over the roof. And he slept watching it and next morning he went to office, worked, came back home. And this went on. He earned well, did good for himself, got married, raised his children well. Been a loveable husband, father and the person.

5. In his room
He is now very much old and with serene and content life, lying on his death bed. He had accomplished most of it and had satisfied life. And as he died, with its shock he come out of his dream. And found self sweating on the bed, with the bright light making patterns on the roof and the ticking of clock.

SUNLIGHT WINGS

SUNLIGHT WINGS

OCTOBER ‘15

IMG_4838 copy

“Oh Sun! You and your charm,
Thee remained still and let the things grow,
Make the Moon shone and never let us know,
Every bit posses dark side but never think thou,
Pray for long life oh you mindless soul;
Golden rays with brisk overrun,
Filling colours in this black and white heaven,
You might be oblivious painter,oh you begotten Sun,
Air is thy brush, Oh thee God’s Son;
As you set low, rise to another hemisphere,
Still with your reminisce essence in the atmosphere,
All sentient beings to home as you disappear,
See thou in the morning, Ho! Life’s sphere.”

Blazing Sun of day rolled over the edges of mountains peaks with emblazoned sky, as ascends along the mid air the energy flows into the directions of life and beauty of its presence.

A distant view of silhouettes of peaks with quest to know and feel the presence of them always flavoured the mind with grandeur of it as unknowingly moved inches near to its stillness. A traveled road of past and the trodden paths of peaks, could satisfy the being with the thoughts of undreamt dream.

IMG_4834 copy

In evening dusk of isolated peaks and laden meadows under shade of fiery stars, zig-zagged to the place of shelter. With each step towards the apogee, the fragrance of  cold waves of mountains accrued,along the exhibition of peaks up to the vision of disappearance.

IMG_4876 copy

IMG_4841 copy

People with similar stories to be shared with the warmth and regards of the hills which outwardly cold but inwardly flowing with intense passion of compassion.

“How easy to befool oneself with loud words”.

The night prolongs with each exhaled breathe which vanish into the moment like waves ebbing away into infinite, and the whole stillness of earth could be measured just by living into the moment. A wondrous sky full of treasure beholding myriads of existence sprawled around itself, with slightest movement of earth transforming darkness into light, as the pinnacle of Moonlight called us from the midnight.

An echo of separateness from oneself rebounding again and again as climbed to the apex of Chandrasila, with every bit of freezing air blowing through body and soul, as waited for the energy to flow which united both of us for someday long.

IMG_4853 copy

“A seen is seer, as vision is clear, near to them, the feeling is real.”

The caw of crows with chirps of altitude sparrows, and unfurled flag reminds to be on top, as the sunlit peaks with shadow overrun by distant valleys, and the one on one pebbles put onto together.

IMG_4855 copy

Subliming rocks of ice-crisp summits as mystic’s words of silence inscribed over scriptures. A history of existence could only be imagined but cannot be experienced, as solitary flame of self tries not to extinguish in midst of quest of its isolation.

Tungnath, devotion and divinity, with its all reasons to be, as sacredness lies in oneself, and certainly every bit of movement transmits energy as every place comprises its own energy. The rituals followed, with its significance of blessings, with its unexplored meanings and beliefs, as denial could hurt energies around, or one’s thought of being against the mighty.

IMG_4864 copy

“Everything is in time when living through it, as timeless space exist when just looking at it.”

IMG_4881 copy

Several hamlets passed in the search of one’s destination, as journey elucidates not the arrival.A Sound of stillness with instinct sporadicly conversing with oneself and others. A temple of Sari and its ease fulness offers tranquility, with calf around grazing constantly up to soul. And the trek of Deoria Tal, mirroring Chaukhamba peaks altruistically, with its emptiness.

IMG_4896 copy

An open sky with glitterings around, and the motionless air carrying infinity with voices in head, as real temporary senses arising and falling into its vast expanse of every-thingness(if could say so), Its beauty, stillness, vastness, friendliness, togetherness and also nothingness.

IMG_4905 copy

A Walk to unsaid parallel division of existence, and the occurrence of life in its totality, with its blissful vibes and serenity. An onus of freedom to be what is is to be, to care of moments of reality!

Swinging walls of thoughtless mountains

    Swinging walls

of thoughtless mountains

Meeting ends of points

September

Fall 2015

obvallata

Instance of arrival of life with the rising Sun, as melts all its memories of past and future, for being young and anew as formless form”.

Loped down with wind to be in time for time. And as crossed valleys of inhabitants of different lives and ways, forgetting myself and identity with time in time, but with sporadic incoming habits of recognition and attention.

Where we being to? Nowhere! Roaming around within self with physically to different places.

Thoughts of happenstance to be what we want to be.

An old jalopy rolled through into the mountainous ranges, with crescent of waning moon. As mind rushed from hither to thither, with notions of life and present moments of observations. A deep seeing of walls next to jalopy’s window, running streams collapsing into river, twinkling lights of untouched villages, and the peaks that couldn’t be seen without raising one’s head.

“Assumptions of situations beholding as many perceptions as many minds and thoughts.”

sleeping lady

The moment that remained silent and motionless, and the brightest star of the sky glimmering over the sleeping lady peak, as strolled around with thirst to unravel limitations of self prejudice.

A journey to unknown with the significance of self established notions of destination and the eventuality of incidents which could only be imagined once in a while. An experience of experienced thoughts induced the feelings of better sensitivity of mountains and its proximity. As river rolls and the winds of evening begun with its intensity, which fondle the soul with new and fresh thoughts of unexplored ways of life.

The walls of dark emotions stood behind as past moments of eve away from  well-known surroundings. The talks of different worlds, of relations which suspended through air momentary, but totally, as the moment drifts, it just flew with blow and the essence sustains.

“No mind can save itself from occurrence of uncertainty .”

glacier

As the morning bells rung with the voices of this and that, an attempt to make what already told to oneself triggers the parts of selfs to accomplish the thoughts of moments. In-spite of contradictions within, vying to present what they think of us. As trudged over in rain of morning, with all the dignity and charisma, with familiar vibes of unknown, and raced within oneself to be in top of all failures and defects, which mostly overruled by thoughts of best and fine.

IMG_4734

The serenity was real and true, but what if heart eclipsed over with fear and insecurity, and laughter are coerced to hide true identity. Attraction of body and trust to be won of others are the games usually played, but as you dip in the extremity of existence, there’s no shadow of past and masquerade.

“Dead on arrival, Right where I stand”. 

Few epitome for magical elegance of nature, and the misdeeds of humans as see through eyes of apprehension. It reminds its magnanimity with each stroke of unused moment, But hard to believe and to observe until it bawls, beyond nothing could be demanded.

Announced lordship of unfathomable temporary time, easily depleted with just missed sigh of breathe. Looking mistakenly for it into the sky, when it just slipping out just from beneath you.

IMG_4705

In heavens of earth when crossed over valleys and mountains, florets emblazon around just as nature’s unbiased desires, floating over airs of misty mountains, since silence of centuries holds beauty inside.”

Hsadredlab <

> Balderdash

“Is it your home?

Is it safe to travel at night?
This ain’t how I see myself.
No reality has touched me, is it possible to understand self by means of others?
Don’t go down there, we don’t know what’s there!
Why I’m getting it now, I don’t need it!
Do you believe in him? Why not, ha ha ha…its trendy!!
Aah, it’s seems expensive! Yes it is, but not much.
He says, it’s there, but I can’t see.
I did it, did you see, have you seen,? Where have all gone!
I can’t find home, have you?
Stay for a night, morning you leave.
You don’t even know what you talking about.

A: Why are you running naked down to valley? All are trying for summit.
B: I was up there, they followed me there too, now I’m descending down to again hid from them.

Don’t call me by that name, I’m not the one you looking for!

A: what’s their beyond horizon?
B: another horizon!

A: what’s best in them?
B: no one know what one thinketh.
A: And what’s worst?
B: no one know what one thinketh.”

Still In Labyrinth

IMG_4491

“Everything is not the same but kind of similar. Running thoughts out of these tiny boxes, which is meaningless to others, and for myself too. Importance of being, a continuous chatter of self with other self developed categories, and an outward reality which seems to be contradictory, as its paradoxical, pushes to undefined steps.

Nothing was decided and known at that moment, but may be its in trend, and becoming the lifestyle of few and none. The sound of the word destination, and the peculiar belief for the place alloyed the journey. Sun was down below the sea, and the wind was still, when made our way for an old and new exploration.  Few transactions took us to the very place, of gypsies and bohemians, where mix cultured tourists, still rove around for relaxant, excitant, psychoactive substances, spiritual conquest, unworldly experiences, or for just.

Despite, Kasol has its own significance. A valley, where earth and sky seems to be closer, a ferocious Parvati river gushing to reach afore Ganges. An outpouring sun fosterth the creation, as advanced to Barsheni & trekked forth to Kheerganga, before nature’s light dimmed. She was carrying the bible (impressed in Hebrew), as remarked. Since ages those peaks sedes (seat) over unbound dimensions of existence. Each passing moment along with boundless existence gave possibilities of life’s lived.

TrailIMG_4456

IMG_4458

“An echoes of our own thoughts sprawled limitlessly around”. An overnight, at Kheerganga, of immense thunder & heavy rain, as if huge apex itself pelted down aggressively, and the next morn was like silent & innocent child, who forgets what happened last night. As opened the curtain of eyes, clouds dispersing with swift movement & the peaks stood tall gazing into infinity. A bathe in hot natural spring, in the mystic pool of the earth, reconnects with love of mother (nature) to its child. “Mysterious is the only answer to all our questions”. Shoon were ready to tread again into the unknown,as drenched last night. And walked into the guided way to witness unreal reality of unspoken. “Holier is you, as look into, life lives there, where we come to”! “Eyes couldn’t see, what heart see”!

IMG_4487IMG_4466IMG_4492

An implicit presence of creator, of timeless creation, experienced through experiencer, separated by I & merged with its beingness.

IMG_4370IMG_4372IMG_4376

As Stared into endless precipices with icefalls emblazoned, dripping into rapids of Parvati, with its fate of oceanic one day. The path, bridges, cedar trees, prairies, blooms, gregarious, Alps, glaciers, rivulets..Ah!; “Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.”  Henry David Thoreau.

IMG_4383IMG_4384IMG_4385

Tunda bhuj, pure & full of innocence, every breath of it was manifesting sheer divinity. A expanse of solitary existence with its mighty crown facing into deathless sierra, with glimpse of us in every fragment of innate disposition. IMG_4387IMG_4388IMG_4390

A hermitage of silent drift of sombreness, of just you and me and the earthly desires, floating down the streams to meet up with holographic reality.

IMG_4393IMG_4425IMG_4444

A night of wonder, for the only truth of moment, for the only reason of mortality, from companion to disciple, from unreal to real. An explorer of fear, a lover of stories, a hater of defame, a truer of destinies, a loner of life, a master to thrive, an entertainer for visitors, an impostor for neighbours, an ascetic for peasants, a guardian for lalu, held heaven and hell into his heart.

IMG_4470IMG_4427IMG_4447

“ Shinning and glimmering refection of light with unknown presence of entity, looking at the strangest self of inner being which lived unnoticed and unparalleled…”!

Knowing

“Only knowing is believing, and such believing is being; such being is another kind of faith, the kind to cherish”!

There’s nothing out there when you are here. What is going to happen, how its going to happen, it doesn’t rely on considerations, what is of utmost importance is, What one is going to do here, where you are.Plenty of lives wounded around with hiding scars and faces.

What knowing is about?

The millions of world coexist in this planet, each world for each being, living in a separate isles of self, though living together over but apart from level of conditions and weariness. Knowing and perceiving are different, rather thought to be analogous. Knowing is simple phenomenon, it doesn’t change with knower, it meant what does it mean, it’s meaning don’t alter according to motile, and perceiving is bounded by authorities of mind, attachments, status quo, habits, inhibitions, interjections, sublimations, apperceptions,. It’s dependent on myriads of factors, in accordant with individual. Hitherto knowing has been seen in the light of perceiving, which makes it different from being. Knowing

Impromptu

A morning blaze overlaid by white clouds and the significant peak destined to hike stood decently.
Walked down the streets and got a jitney up to the only known location of journey, as unaware of points to be considered. Slow and steady jitney makes its way over snaky asphalt along the vast sprawled stopped river. Talks of accomplishments, experiences events, encounters, etc… “Technology gives wings to imagination but hinders to come out of it”.
In moment of time reached on the other side of the untouched top linked with suspension bridge to be at her part of regions. Inquired the way out and means to get at bosom of the top, to start trudge.

Khait

“Feeling of heart full of smile is universal”.
In no due time hopped into local jeep which crossed the green river and took us through smoky trees with chit chat of women as long day to pass. It dropped us to the village from where trek starts.
“Money often speaks louder than words and situations”.

Apex of mountain seen clear from the base but couldn’t estimate the distance to be trekked, but it wasn’t a question of hour as were high in spirit and begin to plod heavily. A deceased path followed by led us to the top of it. Silence of mountain rarely breached by flying and chirping birds and the sound of steps climbed over foliage with increasing beats of heart and pounding lungs. Also sporadic distant blow of chopping woods could drove attention to seek from where it’s coming from.
As tend to be near top, wind pinged our ears and the Big Eagles flew above us with their shadows moving over around.
“Sky belongs to those who can fly”.

Fly High

A panoramic view from the top exhibit Himalayan ranges on one side and the other scattered with multicolored hamlets. A road with brisk prairie and western versant of mountain laden with golden hued thickets.”

Slant

“An urge to know, to have, takes away what we already know, what we already have”. Far away from what we have known and experienced, but near to self and freezing mind. A rush to accomplish, to do what is undone, to see unseen passages of existence.

“Stayed for a while and filled the empty space with our momentary presence”. As climbed down from top to valley, Sun was in western cadence low. Irregular slant paths and uneven stones took us back to root of the peak.

Cadence

“Who’s there for me to know my being? Do I have to wait for someone to insist or to reflect the true being, which is undiscovered? Dark clouds sediments downwards with white clouds shadowing over its charm. A flow from in to out, from untouched reality to the surface, which is seen, assumed near to truth. But anything near to truth is not truth. An environment effects on personality, and relating to it with its intimacy sometimes drag us to consider what we are and what we are not. Future desires to be precise and perfect, which brings in the cause of imperfectness at present. Whole orbiting around self, and when this self is unknown, it creates pulse of unsteadiness and heaviness. Blurred vision never takes anyone nowhere but far from one self. Most of the time we know the truth, it’s just acceptance of it never arrives”!

Faith & Beliefs

“Left over things on the desk and rushed to home for packing up for the tour, took blessings and money and shambled down to near station.

Got last seat and the known personality who talked a lot, he slept on lap as suffered motion sickness, and after few hours, I talked to the another guy who might understand the attics of mind but not the basics. As darkness sprawled over city we crossed the bridge and stood with rolling thoughts aside the stream which rushed for the end.
“Another home to be called, another energy to be shared and another roof to be stared”.
Human nature is to forget things when not needed.
Rode on the air to get what required most by the need of time, and wait to be called someone who loved once in a while.
Mismatched thoughts fumed through the dark night and new morning stood for exploring other dimension of self with open arms. Held hands tighter and marched along with past identity to cross dreams of other reality.
Within the shell of respectability started the journey, & over truth and lies spoke to everyone else. An unfurled flag created the chance to intervene each other, & old familiar smiles and gestures of strangers creating new impressions of fleeting experience.
Living cities and villages left behind, & before midnight all were in the bosom of valley of death, unaware of the emotions and feelings buried yesteryear beneath ground.
“Rather than god man is above man, ego is above altruism, and mind is above heart”.
With the rising sun crossed the river of life and death, and begin trampling for the mountains of Kedar loaded with paraphernalia. The sound of gushing stream whispers the story of holocaust & desolate ruined homes whimper for their beloved ones.
“Hunger doesn’t understand differences of flavours and taste”!
Things created, invaded and then devastated; that’s what happened with the Ram BadaA hamlet of none & just the past remains over present exile by nature.
A snow covered mountain stood with dignity and played with palette of the setting sun, offering winter line over the horizon and shades of stars. The Kedar peak, only in-situ witness of catastrophe other than victims couldn’t share its empathy of melancholy. Silence of mountains dialects through air to the core of beating heart, which grew louder with elevation.

  

What this trip meant to all?

We climbed up and down over dimensions of perseverance of valley. A gathering under open sky with proletarians and an ascetic who tend to follows austerities and couldn’t perceive the light hearted ability, as easily irritated by gestures of immature entertainment. Some were desired to enjoy and some were desired to be a part of celebration. Those moments of being out of shell allows to breathe the air heavily which otherwise missed or unrecognised.

 

Who are we?

The Projections of thoughts which keeps on changing.It’s not possible to be same for all, and if it is then detachment is the only way. Attachments differentiate the feelings.


“Carrying the baggage of ambitions over the shoulders to recreate the harmony between human and nature, as nature doesn’t have any moral obligations towards humans“.
“They who experienced the isolation of mountains could better comprehend the noise of silence. The mystic valley with its mythological importance fighting for its survival & some few who concern for it rendering their strength to revive its prominence once again from scrap to substantial.”